Stretched to my limit (in more ways than one)

I'm getting ready to head up to bed but feel the need to document this time in my life. There has definitely been a void in my life where journal writing used to be a priority. I certainly miss venting, expressing my thoughts and feelings, analyzing and reading myself to understand my feelings better. I never thought I would let that slide but I am now at the phase of life where I can only do the necessities and journal writing (including blogging) rarely makes the cut. I could do it after my kids are in bed but I'm just so tired, so it usually doesn't happen (other than keeping up with their individual blogs, which are essentially letters from me to them). But tonight I'm making an exception.

Maybe because I'm 35 weeks and 5 days pregnant with twin boys and know that things are about to change for our family of five as it grows to a family of seven very soon. I am feeling so overwhelmed as I think of the things on my to-do list that need to be done before their arrival in a couple of weeks, if not sooner (twins are considered full term at 38 weeks). Our house is disheveled because Wendel is remodeling our loft for us (bless his heart - he's devoting every spare minute he has to this project) so everything that was in our loft is now elsewhere and it's a bit cluttered and crazy. I am feeling overwhelmed at the thought of giving enough attention to five children, two of whom will be crying infants. I am feeling overwhelmed with one of my children, who was recently diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder and Anxiety, and with whom every day feels so difficult and discouraging (and has for a long time). I am feeling inadequate as a mother a lot of the time, definitely as a homemaker (I cannot keep up with our house right now...it feels like the movie Groundhog's Day where, like Bill Murray trying figure out how to keep from reliving February 2nd over and over again, I keep trying to clean it but it always ends up a disaster and my efforts are in vain. It is stressful and frustrating, probably more so with these babies making their arrival any time).

I have always been able to easily focus on the positive but I feel like I'm just a little worn down right now and it's much more difficult to do so lately. This is definitely a difficult phase of life, probably the most difficult we have faced in terms of discouragement and frustration (related to parenting, specifically). I think this might be a good time to list a few things I'm grateful for, to help me re-focus on the positives.

1. A happy marriage. I'm very grateful for Wendel. 
2. Our children. They can be very challenging but I am grateful for them and the opportunity I have to be their mother. 
3. The Spirit. What a truly amazing gift to feel of His promptings and guidance. 
4. Prayer. Specifically, a relationship with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and a way to communicate with them. 
5. Eleanor's eye specialists. 
6. Eleanor's progress with her eye. We really think she has some vision in her little eye, which is such a blessing. 
7. Our home. 
8. Wendel's job. 
9. The gifts I've been blessed with (including a positive disposition, faith and determination, which I rely on daily)
10. Two baby boys about to join our family. 

22.5 Weeks

May 2017

May 2017 - my stomach does come in handy as a table.

June 2017

31.5 weeks

35.5 weeks and so ready to be done!

Sweet Baby A Ultrasound Picture May 2017 (I can see Josh here)

Sweet Baby B Ultrasound Picture April 2017 (I can see Wendel here)

 Despite this chaotic, stressful time in our lives, I'm grateful for these sweet baby boys about to join our family and for all that we are blessed with. One day at a time.

Today I am thankful for:

• The opportunity I have to raise three beautiful children. 
• A husband who is motivated to provide for us now and plan for the future. 
• Our new (to us) Chevy Tahoe. I really love it.
• Happy mail (I love getting Christmas Cards in the mail - it's one of the best parts about Christmas.)
• My education.
• My relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior. 
• The love my Savior has for me.
• The example Christ set for us and the scriptures that were carefully preserved so we can learn about Him.
• The sleep I do get I appreciate (even though it isn't much these days). 
• The opportunity we have to live in Maricopa. It is a blessing to be here. 
• The things my kids say that make me smile.
• Good days.
• Good food. 
• Financial blessings.
• Good relationships with my siblings.
• Wonderful parents.
• Learning from mistakes.
• Perspective.
• Experience.

Pictures taken at Riverview Park November 2015

mommy wins

I was feeling overwhelmed this evening. It had been a busy day. The kids were both melting down, Joshua was especially fussy (he's teething) and clingy, the dishes were stacked up, toys were all over the kitchen floor (which I kept stepping on), I hadn't made dinner, the entire house was messy and cluttered and I felt exhausted. (As a side note, I always feel exhausted taking care of two energetic boys). I felt frustrated that I do the same things over and over again, just to do them again. I clean up; Oliver takes the cushions off of the couch so he can jump off of the couch onto them (he is only allowed to do this with our old couch in our not-as-nice living room), he brings a pile of blankets and pillows (big and small) into the living room or in other places throughout the house, which he calls his "nest." I cleaned out the junk drawer; the next day it was a disaster again. I decorated our credenza with Fall decorations; an hour later Oliver took off with the little pumpkins and was playing with them. I sweep and mop; Oliver accidentally drops food and cuts paper onto the floor. I do the dishes; they keep coming. I do laundry and forget to transfer it to the dryer so I wash it again...Sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. Sometimes I feel like I've been walking around Disneyland all day with how sore my feet are from standing and then realize I have hardly sat down the entire day. Sometimes (like today), the boys don't nap at the same time and all I want to do is close my eyes for 15 minutes but just as I get both kids to sleep, the one who was asleep first wakes up. I rarely get through my to-do list. Sometimes I get frustrated that I can't focus much time or energy on cleaning (specifically our bedroom, which is the most neglected room in the house and far from the sanctuary I wish it was) because the demands of children are far too great. Sometimes I feel I am in the middle of the forest and it's difficult to see the beauty because I'm too wrapped up with what is right in front of me.

One thing I miss about working outside of my home is the positive affirmation I got from my supervisor and co-workers. Maybe it was due to the nature of the job (working for CPS is a really tough job) or because I'm in the social work field or because my supervisor was just amazing...but he gave us a lot of positive affirmation, support and encouragement. It's nice to hear you're doing okay to give you that push to keep going. It's nice to feel appreciated. Maybe I shouldn't need that but I guess I do.

So tonight I started thinking about my "mommy wins" today: those positive things I did for my kids that I sometimes don't recognize.

• I took my kids to the park this morning. Oliver was able to run around and get some energy out and play with his friend. I held Joshua on my lap and we went down the slide several times together. 
• I took the boys to the Fun Van program at the library (an educational/social program for kids, which also includes a parent education/support group for the parents). We went on a nature walk with the kids, sang together, and played together. 
• I checked out books for Oliver and read to him before his nap. 
• I sat with Oliver on his blanket on the kitchen floor and we ate yogurt popsicles together. 
• I played with Joshua while Oliver slept, tickling him and making him laugh. I encouraged him to balance while standing on his own. I held him while he drank his bottle. 
• I told Oliver and Joshua I love them throughout the day and flashed the "I love you" sign to Oliver. 
• I raced with Oliver to encourage him to go potty and get into the car so we could leave on time. I play games with him to motivate him, which he likes (and which exhausts me). 
• I gave Oliver positive feedback for going potty, drawing pictures, sharing with Joshua, etc. I had him put stickers on the calendar (once he gets a week's worth he gets a prize) so he could see how well he's doing. 
• I didn't yell at Oliver. I felt frustrated at times but kept my cool (not always the case). 
• I kissed both boys numerous times throughout the day. 
• I fed Oliver a healthy dinner of chicken, broccoli, pasta and apples. And he ate all of it. (I try really hard to feed my kids healthy food.)
• I prayed with Oliver before lunch and dinner. We thanked Heavenly Father for all He blesses us with and especially our eternal family and a daddy who works so hard to support us. 
• I only allowed Oliver to watch two hours of tv. I encouraged him to play and use his imagination, color, and put stickers on his pumpkin. This is more difficult for me than sticking him in front of the tv but I'm determined not to do it.
• I held Joshua in my arms tonight after I read to him and rocked him in his glider as I prayed out loud. I thanked Heavenly Father for sending him to our family. I prayed for our boys' safety and health. I told Joshua how much I love him as I put him in his crib, nestled in his sleep sack. 
• I made sure Oliver brushed his teeth this morning and evening. 

• I read from the scriptures this evening. I know that staying close to the Holy Ghost is imperative as I'm raising my children and this is how I can invite Him to reside with me. I feel inspired as I read from the scriptures. I can't say I do it every day as I should but I try to do it and appreciate when I do. Tonight I read in Doctrine & Covenants 121: 26, "God shall give you knowledge by His Hold Spirit, yea, by the unspeakable gift of the Holy Ghost..." which is a reminder that I need that knowledge in this important job of raising children. (As I side note, last night I went visiting teaching and the lesson was on the divine mission of Jesus Christ as the creator. Part of the lesson talked about our divine mission as women. There was a quote by Joseph Smith: “You are now placed in a situation where you can act according to those sympathies which God has planted in your bosoms,” said the Prophet Joseph Smith. “If you live up to these principles how great and glorious!—if you live up to your privilege, the angels cannot be restrained from being your associates." I love that! I need angles as my associates. Being a mother is not easy. Parenting with intent, striving to raise responsible children who turn into responsible adults in a loving but firm manner, children who love God and have testimonies of the restored gospel, responding with love and patience when I want to pull my hair out, knowing what is best for my children and how to help them...yes, I will gladly take angels as my associates in this role. I also read this tonight in Doctrine & Covenants 123:17, "Therefore, dearly beloved brethren (and sisters), let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." Sometimes I need that reminder to be cheerful in all things...especially when I am constantly exhausted and the demands are many.)
• As a side note, the woman we visit taught bore her testimony about what a priviledge it is to stay at home with your children. She has stayed home in the past but now has to work full time outside of her home. As she talked, her eyes filled up with tears and I couldn't help but think about what a difficult transition it was for me to leave my job and stay home but how grateful I am for that opportunity now. It really is a priviledge and I'm so thankful I can be with my boys every day. 

I guess I did okay today. If I sift through the mundane tasks, I can see that I supported my children and helped them feel safe (and kept them safe) and happy. I encouraged Oliver's creativity and imagination, allowed him to get exercise and get energy out, strengthened our relationship as mother and son with both boys, and prayed for / sought inspiration on their behalf. 

Parenting is difficult (to say the least). It's nice to sit back and take note of the "wins" once in a while. 

Photos taken in August 2013 (Oliver: 3.5 years, Joshua: 8 months)

around here lately...

This little guy is blessing our family with his sweet spirit. He is amazingly sweet and I sometimes cry when I look into his eyes because I can feel the Spirit so strongly. We are also incredibly tired and trying our best to transition to two kids. The most difficult part is Oliver's transition, which isn't going so smoothly. The "newborn stage" is so difficult for me. I know at some point it will get easier...looking forward to that. But for now, I will try to enjoy the sweet moments. We are so blessed.

I love how Oliver has integrated Joshua into his train-playing. 

lately

Lately, life has been a whirlwind of craziness.
Lately, I am exhausted a lot. I go to bed by 11:00 (not the norm for me, though it should be).
Lately, I work full time. I see a lot of sadness at my practicum. It makes me grateful for my life and the people in it. 
Lately, I am reminded of my love for Metropolitan Market. It makes my heart happy that there is one kind of close to my practicum site. It is my favorite. Their salads make my heart race.
Lately, I wonder what the future holds.
Lately, I have seen the goodness of several people. Friends who have helped us out so much, for whom we are so grateful. I am humbled by the Christ-like acts of service rendered to our family.
Lately, I haven't felt the desire or had the time to blog.
Lately, I am a little emotional but also at peace.
Lately, I am grateful to be done with the school work portion of my MSW. I took Oliver to the library the other night and as we walked to our van, we passed by the study room. I looked in and saw people sitting at tables with open books and notebooks in front of them and I literally shuddered. I am so done with that phase of life.
Lately, I feel like we will look back on these days and wonder how we did it. We will know that we could not have made it through school, work, my practicum, and everything else life throws at us without our Heavenly Father's guidance and the friends and family who have helped us with Oliver. (Thank you!)
Lately, our sweet boy does amazing things that make us smile and tell each other how amazing he is. 

Oliver June 2011 (15 months old)

Lately, my heart is full of gratitude and I knew I had to record it so I can remember how blessed I am.

today

Praying for: Friends who are going through a difficult time

Wearing: Jeans and a black shirt with 3/4 sleeves and a fun necklace 

Working on: Getting to bed by 11:00 (so difficult and so far, unsuccessful considering that I don't usually start working out until at least that time)

Eating: Lots of veggie wraps lately, consisting of a high fiber whole wheat wrap, hummus, avocado, spinach, arugula, grape tomatoes, red bell pepper, a little bit of Tillamook medium cheddar cheese, some green onion, a little bit of whole grain mustard and some salt and pepper. I have this for lunch and dinner on a lot of days.

Dreaming of: three things: 1. My graduation 2. Going to Hawaii this Summer 3. Our much-needed bedroom makeover

Realizing: I have been somewhat prideful lately and I really want to change. I plan to write more about this in my next post, which will be about school...no guarantees as to how soon I will post it, but it's on my mind.

Impatiently waiting: For a new episode of Parenthood. It was a re-run this week. Bummer.

Anticipating: Losing 1/2 a pound more so I can hit my goal weight and go into maintenance (with Weight Watchers)

Loving: Oliver's cute little chatter.

Stalking: My school email account to see if I am the recipient of a scholarship I applied for

Feeling: Happy that the quarter is over but also grateful for the opportunity to be in school, and sad to say goodbye to a friend tonight (whom I will likely not see again, at least not for a while)

cute gratitude project

If you're looking for a cute gratitude project to do with your family, check this out. There are also lots of good ideas in the comments, so be sure to read through those. If you start a gratitude project, leave a comment here so we can check it out.

My family is coming into town for Thanksgiving so maybe I will give one of those ideas a try. A couple of years ago I had each family member write what they were grateful for and then compiled it into a book with pictures from Thanksgiving weekend and gave everyone a copy.

One thing I do throughout the year is keep a gratitude journal (you can see some pictures and a few thoughts about it here - scroll down to the bottom of the post).

When I was going to Ricks College (about a million years ago - am I still in school? Yes, yes I am.) my roommates and I taped several poster boards together and wrote "Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude" at the top. We then had everyone who came into our apartment write what they were grateful for. It was uplifting to read the gratitude board.

Please share any other ideas you have around gratitude. Let's inspire each other.

Okay, I have lots of homework to do and have been procrastinating long enough. Signing off.

feeling grateful

I am feeling so grateful for all of the ways we have been and continue to be blessed. So much service has been rendered in our behalf since Oliver was born. Meals from friends in our ward and friends outside of our ward, so many people helped out by watching Oliver when I was finishing up two difficult (and very crucial) classes last quarter (including my sister-in-law, Bethaney, who lived with us for two months and spent every day with Oliver while I was at the library), my mom visited many times to help out, my brother did yard work for us and watched Oliver several times, a girl in our ward comes over twice a week to make dinner and do some light cleaning (amazing, right?), neighbors have mowed our lawn while we're not home, and friends have been very supportive. I also have to say that I have the best visiting teachers ever. Your kindness is not unappreciated. Thanks for helping us make it through a rough patch.

thoughts on being a mother

[Tulips from Wendel for Mother's Day]

"Recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction." - M. Russell Ballard

.....................................................................................

Mother's Day is extra special to me this year. I finally understand what it means to be a mother. It is amazing and hard and overwhelming and sacred. I like that quote about the joy of motherhood coming in moments. Even though Oliver is still a baby, I think that is so true. I definitely don't feel joy all the time, but I cherish those moments when I do (which is quite often, especially moments that don't occur in the middle of the night).

I want to be the kind of mom who my kids to talk to about anything. I want to have a house of order; a home that is clean and inviting, a place where our kids can bring their friends and feel comfortable spending time. It is hard for me to let that go right now (the clean home part). When Wendel an I made the decision for me to pursue graduate school, we knew there would be sacrifices to make. When we decided to have a baby right as I am beginning my graduate program, we knew there would be even more sacrifices to make, and letting the house get a little messy (or a lot messy, depending on the room and how accessible it is to the public eye) is one of those sacrifices. But I do want an organized, welcoming home one day. I want to be a good homemaker. I want our home to be a house of learning. I want Oliver and our other children to know that education is important, not only secular education, but learning in general.

Yesterday I came home from the library to pump. Oliver was being fussy, as he sometimes is (he has a gassy tummy a lot). I picked him up and he immediately smiled at me, and continued to do so for about ten minutes. It was probably just a coincidence that he was happy all of the sudden, but it made me feel like maybe he actually knows who his mom is and was excited to see me. With so many people caring for him lately while I've been at the library (8-10 hours a day, every day but Sunday), I worry that he might not know who I am. It made me so happy and was exactly what I needed.

Even though I feel like a missionary in the MTC saying "Missions are so amazing," (not really having any idea of what a mission is really like yet) as I am at the beginning of this journey of motherhood, I still want to say that I think motherhood is amazing. It is such an incredible blessing to be trusted by my Heavenly Father with one of his children. I am so grateful for this opportunity to be Oliver's mother.

so very thankful

that this man is in my life.

[Pictures taken at the Puyallup Fair
September 2009]

Thanks to all who left comments on
my last post with your advice about
what to buy (and not buy). It's so
helpful. It makes me even more excited
to welcome this little guy into our
family.

my 20s

Today is my last day of my 20s. To commemorate, I will list 20 things I loved about my 20s:

1. Marrying Wendel
2. Serving a mission
3. Going to the temple for the first time
4. Touring the United States, including all of the church history sites
5. Living in Idaho, Utah, Australia, Arizona and Washington
6. Owning a home for the first (and second) time
7. Graduating from college (with both Associates and Bachelors degrees)
8. Having my work published
9. Becoming passionate about photography
10. Developing a love for cooking
11. Finally discovering what I am passionate about going to school for
12. Falling in love
13. Working and volunteering for organizations that change people's lives for the better
14. Learning how to rely on Wendel and Heavenly Father when faced with trials
15. Making amazing friends
16. Being introduced to Indian, Thai and Mediterranean food and loving all of them
17. Keeping a gratitude journal and realizing how it blesses my life
18. Starting a blog
19. Developing a love for thrift stores and garage sales
20. Having "our boys" (cats) be a part of our family

Here's to another decade of good memories.

five years

Photo by AA Professional Photography

crazy day

There was a bomb threat in our neighborhood today. We had just finished a photo shoot when my friend Crystal called and asked if we were okay. She told me there was a swat team and 20 police cars across the street from our neighborhood. We tried to go home but the streets were blocked off. We were told there was a bomb threat and it would be hours before we could return home. Kind of scary. You start thinking about your pets and the things you couldn't live without if your house blew up (my 64 journals, my hard drive with photo sessions and specifically a clients' wedding pictures on it...).

We ended up going to see Star Trek and going out to eat at Fondi's (the best pizza ever). We tried to enjoy ourselves even though there was a chance our house could be blown apart while we were eating our pizza.

We were finally able to return home around 7:30 pm. Turns out, the guy only threatened a bomb but didn't really have one in his house. He aimed a riffle at the helicopter team that was circling above and he was shot and killed (did he think this would end well?) The crazy thing is, this was a house behind the house that is across the street from us.

I'm feeling grateful to be safe.

*Read more about it here.

happy things

I haven't checked in in a while. I have been so busy, running from one thing to the next. Only a few more weeks until I graduate. I'm feeling it.

A few things that are making me happy lately:

1. Yesterday my friend Dodie and I had a "girls' day" to celebrate her birthday and my graduation. We got manicures and pedicures, grabbed some breakfast, hit the shops in Sumner (where I got three cute shirts and she got a cute decoration for her home), and then went out to lunch. It was such a nice, relaxing day. So fun! (For those who haven't been to Sumner, you can see what one of the stores looks like here to give you an idea of the cute shops there.)

I've always wanted to paint my fingernails bright red, just for fun.

2. I bought some fresh flowers for our kitchen table, which I love. They are so bright and cheery and remind me of the nice weather we have had lately.

3. My friend Julie is also very into photography so we took each other's graduation pictures on campus a couple of weeks ago. It was kind of fun being on the other side of the camera for a change. (I will share some pictures from that shoot soon.)
4. W's parents are in town and we're going whale watching with them tomorrow at Friday Harbor. Should be fun.
5. We had dinner with our neighbors tonight to celebrate their son's graduation and they went all out. We had crab and it was so good!
6. Katie cut and highlighted my hair and she did a really great job. If you need your hair done, she's the person to call. Thanks Katie!
7. Every room in our house is really clean right now. I love having my house so clean.

Okay, I think I should get to bed. Goodnight!

*happy*

Things making me happy right now:

1. Clean Play DVDs. I don't watch R rated movies but won't say I'm not tempted, so this is a great solution. I already ordered some and received them. Their service is great, which also adds to my happiness. (BTW, if you order through them and you feel like making me even happier, put my name down as the referring person so I can get some free movies.)
2. We will soon be in Mexico! I can't wait!
3. I get to see Neil Diamond in concert in a couple of weeks.
4. This post.

Life is good.

happy friday!

Um, this is a self-portrait I took in the mirror really quickly this morning for my 365 challenge. I am on day 118 out of 365. Still a long ways to go but it's kind of fun (sometimes).

I just wanted to share some things that are making me happy lately.

1. Joshua Radin's music, especially this song. (I couldn't find it on youtube other than live, which didn't have good volume, or set to a movie scene. If you're a LOST fan and aren't caught up, you might just want to listen and not watch.)

2. I got a package from my in mail yesterday with this and this. He came to visit once and was not satisfied with the knifes we have (they are pretty bad, I must say. We got them for our wedding. They were probably originally $9.99 and on sale for $7.99. That's the kind of knives we're talking about here). My dad is quite the chef and knows all about good kitchen supplies. I was thrilled and used one of them to cut some vegetables for dinner last night. There was such an amazing difference. I love these knives!

3. I found out this morning that Neil Diamond is coming in concert in September! I know I am a dork, but I grew up on his music and absolutely love it. I have always wanted to go to one of his concerts. W told me he would take me for my birthday. Yay!

4. We booked a week in Mexico in September! I'm really excited.

5. This blog. I always feel inspired when I visit it. Danielle is an amazing photographer, decorator, crafter, she has such incredible taste...her blog is eye candy to me.

6. This mascara.

7. Today is the end of the 90-day goal group we've been a part of. I'm excited about the goals I've accomplished. We're having a little get together tonight to celebrate our success.

And one thing that did not make me happy this week...standing in line for TWO HOURS to get two tiny scoops of Baskin Robbins ice-cream for .31 a scoop. Seriously, people (including me) do crazy things for a good deal. It really wasn't worth it at all and I'm vowing never to do it again. But it is cool that they do it for a good cause. Did anyone else out there go?

I'm looking forward to the weekend. I hope everyone has a good one.

president hinckley

I am so sad that President Hinckley passed away tonight. I know that some of you who read my blog aren't familiar with who he is or the church I belong to. He was the prophet and president of our church. He was an incredible person with a wonderful sense of humor. I feel like I knew him personally and will miss him.

*inspiration*

I finally checked out flickr and it is awesome! I can't pull myself away from it! There are so many fun pictures on there and so much inspiration to be found. Above are just a few of my favorites. Some I like for the colors, some for the composition, some for the project or item itself. Very cool stuff.
[1. spied and loved, 2. cantina chair, 3. red stars, 4. Whole "give thanks everyday" accordian Mantel Decor, 5. spring art, 6. Saturday morning coffee on the patio, 7. 308: 12.5.07, 8. plate wall, 9. ...try again, 10. candy floss, 11. bookshelf, 12. Shadow Dance, 13. where the happy music came from, 14. bloomin' colors, 15. tea boxes, 16. pretty things at Art & Soul, 17. cheers!, 18. "living life as you dream it", 19. house of the rising sun, 20. 60s redux, 21. ramped, 22. paint, 23. by land, 24. 133: SOTTS will make you jump!, 25. 365.104 Feet Up Friday, 26. little hands, 27. don't you love those little feet?, 28. lolli*love, 29. stepping*out, 30. Untitled, 31. Untitled, 32. Untitled, 33. Untitled, 34. Untitled, 35. Untitled, 36. smoochable]

I also wanted to share the thankful album I made for my mom and siblings that I couldn't share before Christmas. I made this book with the freebies I posted about last month. It was really easy to put together since Jessica had already designed the pages. I just opened each page in photoshop elements and typed in the journaling (I highlighted a two-page spread for each person in my family with what they said they were grateful for at Thanksgiving dinner), then uploaded the pages and pictures to wal-mart to be printed, added a few other embellishments, punched three holes in everything and tied it with ribbon. Easy and fun to make.




You can see the rest of this book here.

I actually scrapbooked last night for the first time since September (other than this grateful mini book, cards, altered stuff, etc). But as far as an actual layout goes, this is the first in a long time. I need to finish up one thing on it and then I will share.

We took down our tree yesterday and put away all of our Christmas stuff. I wouldn't have minded leaving it up a little longer but our tree was so dead the ornaments were falling off of it. Now the spot where it was seems so bare, but it's good to have everything nice and clean for the new year.

I hope everyone is having a beautiful Sunday!

feeling grateful

I shouldn't be awake right now, but I am. I am sitting here in the dark with the hall light streaming in, thinking about how blessed and grateful I am. We spent today (Christmas day) in Portland with Wendel's sister and husband and their cute foster kids. As the day was winding down, we noticed a fire truck outside at their neighbor's house. Wendel and his sister went out to see what was going on. We learned that the twenty-year old who was here visiting his family from California got very sick. He has had Lupus his whole life. Tonight he passed away. I don't know this person or his family. I'm not familiar with Lupus (I had to look it up). But tears come to my eyes as I type this entry because I can't imagine what this family is going through...losing their son, and especially on Christmas. I am grateful that Wendel is sleeping next to me right now. I am grateful we are healthy and happy. When the fire truck and police cars arrived, one of the foster children came out of her room, looking for her parents. Since they were outside, she asked me, "Did they come to take us away?" My heart just broke. This little girl associates police with being taken from her home. Again, both pain and gratitude washed over me. I also have a friend whose best friend's house burned down a few weeks ago. She has a seven month old baby and is a single mom. Right before Christmas. I met this girl for the first time the other night and she is the sweetest girl. I feel so bad for her loss. Even though no one was hurt, imagine losing everything you own. Pictures, furniture, make-up, dvds, personal records, your computer, appliances, clothes, letters from loved ones, EVERYTHING.

I guess this post is a little depressing. I am intending for it to be about gratitude though. I want to acknowledge the blessings I have...things like our house, health, parents, a loving Heavenly Father, good examples and friendships in my life, family, my faith, security, love, generosity...the list is endless.

Tonight was another reminder to me that life is short and it is precious. And I don't ever want to take it for granted.

*gratitude *

I have been tagged by Marci to list ten things I'm grateful for. I love this tag - it's always so uplifting to reflect on my blessings and my happy life.

1. School. I am so grateful to be back in school, studying something that I am passionate about. I absolutely love my program. I love all of my classes, especially Historical Approaches to Social Welfare. I am learning so much I didn't know about America's history (not all good, but I'm still glad I'm learning it). I really love school.

2. Dub. I cannot describe how much fun we have. Our inside jokes would sound crazy, but I will say that I never knew I could be so silly, so happy, or laugh so much on a daily basis before I met him. He's amazing and I feel grateful every day to be married to him. (This is a bad scan but I love this picture so I'm posting it anyway.)

3. My faith. It is truly the compass in my life. There is not a day that goes by that it is not integrated into my life in some way. It brings me hope, peace, love, endurance, strength, and happiness.
4. Modern conveniences, such as plumbing, electricity, and heat. I take these for granted most of the time, but I really am grateful for them.
5. My family. (Since I already had a layout about them in one of my mini books, I'll share that.) They're wonderful.

6. The amazing experiences I've had in my life. I was a nanny in Minnesota, I was able to serve a mission for my church in Australia, I've lived in numerous states, and I've met wonderful people along the way.
7. Good health.
8. Our boys. (Yes, they have pink tags on their collars. It was the only choice at the time. Poor things.)


8. My computer and the internet.
9. Our camera. (And our mutual love for photography.)

10. And on this Veteran's Day, I would like to express my gratitude for those who have sacrificed, and continue to sacrifice for our country. Thank you.


I also wanted to point out how great gratitude journals are. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am all about keeping journals and preserving stuff for the future. I started this journal in 2003 during a particularly difficult time in my life. I love flipping through the pages and reading about how blessed I am. Try it. It's so uplifting. I like that I don't feel overwhelmed with writing a long entry either - I just write a line or two, sometimes even just a word or two. It has really blessed my life.


And now I am going to tag Andrea, Becky Householder, Crystal, Kamarah, Kristi Pace, and Eryn. (And anyone else who wants to join in.)