2020 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Went to San Antonio, TX with Wendel and our friends the Farabees and Abercrombies (Wendel works with them through Livestock Transport Nation. Every year we go to Cattle Convention and this year it was in San Antonio.)

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  I don't even recall what they were without looking. 
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No
4. Did anyone close to you die? No
5. What countries did you visit? None
6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020?  At least one family yearbook printed out. 
7. What dates from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory and why? Not a specific date but when the kids went on Spring break from school in March, nothing was the same after that. Covid-19 hit our part of the country. School went to online, church went to home church, my exercise class was cancelled, and a stay at home order was put into place. If we did need to go to the grocery store, were to wear masks and gloves were also encouraged. It is still going on in January 2021 but the stay at home order is not longer in place. School has been in person and online on and off this school year. Church meets in person with limited people and there is also a broadcast option available. 
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Making it through the stay-at-home order during Covid while keeping myself and the kids sane. Every day felt long and difficult for several months. There was so much uncertainty. 
9. What was your biggest failure? The times I lost my patience with my kids and yelled at them.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious. 
11. What was the best thing you bought? A new dishwasher. 
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Really, all of us for being somewhat flexible and adaptable to our "temporary new normal" with Covid.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Same as last year: People I hear about on the news. People shooting other people. Selfish acts that take lives and destroy families. Also the way President Donal Trump responded after losing the election was disappointing. 
14. Where did most of your money go? Definitely groceries and consumables (diapers, wipes, TP, paper towels, etc.) Also repairs on Wendel's truck. 
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to San Antonio in January with Wendel and our friends. It was nice to have this getaway before Covid hit. 
16. What song will always remind you of 2020? Frozen II soundtrack
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Just as happy. 
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter but only by about 5-10 lbs. I'm okay with it.
c) richer or poorer? The same. Blessed immensely, both financially and with a beautiful family.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? There are things I would like to have more time for, like keeping up with our house and family history but realistically speaking, there isn't anything I wish I had done more of given the time I have to do things right now. I feel like my priorities are in the right place for the most part.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? I gained weight during the stay at home order (along with a lot of people) because I was eating my feelings a bit more than I probably should have. So I wish I had done less of that.
20. How did you spend Christmas? At home with our little family. Uncle Ty has joined us the past couple of years but didn't this year due to Covid. 
21. Did you fall in love in 2020? A little bit with our cat, Love. He's a great cat.
22. What was your favorite TV program? This is Us, A Million Little Things, Virgin River and especially The Mentalist.
23. What was the best book you read? I only read one book for pleasure, which was while we were in San Antonio, TX for Cattle Convention. The book is The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks. It wasn't life-changing or amazing but it was an interesting love story / suspense novel and it was so nice to relax and read something enjoyable. 
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Rise Up by Andra Day is such a beautiful song and the music video is very moving. My friend, Courtney Richardson, introduced me to both and I'm so glad she did.
25. What did you want and get? Peace during times of difficulty. 
26. What did you want and not get? Nothing comes to mind. 
27. What was your favorite film of this year? The only movie I can think of is Onward, an animated Disney movie we enjoyed as a family. It really was very good. 
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 41 this year.  Cindy watched the kids while I met Wendel for lunch (Indian food). She had the kids paint some vases for me and they put flowers in the vases. They also made me a carrot cake that was delicious. She's so sweet and thoughtful. 
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not having workout group at the church come to a screeching halt with Covid. I still miss it immensely. 
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? I'm often in comfortable leggings and a tshirt. I really like being casual and comfortable. I only wear makeup for appointments and church for the most part.
31. What kept you sane? Same as last year with the exception of exercise because I'm not able to do it as much now and I really miss it. Wendel. Always Wendel. We're in this crazy, survival time together. Also, my testimony keeps me grounded. I would be a different person without it, I think. Third: working out. It is my therapy. Fourth: Podcasts. I love them. (My favorites: Better Than Happy by Jody Moore, Cultivate a Good Life by Becky Higgins and Becky Proudfit, This is the Gospel by LDS Living, 3 in 30 by Rachel Nielsen and several others.)
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I really like Jody Moore, podcast host of Better Than Happy.
33. What political issue stirred you the most? It was an election year and it got pretty heated in our country. Lots of division. I really liked that my brother, Tyson, and I were able to have a very calm, respectful conversation about it and share our differing views with each other without getting defensive or offensive.
34. Who did you miss? My sister, Lindsey, my supervisor from CPS, Robert Morales and my co-worker, Val. 
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: Exercise affects my mental health and has to be a priority for me.
36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: 

Well, I woke up to the sound of silence, the guns
Were cutting like knives in a fist fight
And I found you with a bottle of wine
Your head in the curtains and heart like the Fourth of July

You swore and said we are not
We are not shining stars
This I know, I never said we are

Though I've never been through Hell like that
I've closed enough windows to know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone, or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your path be the sound of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Carry on, carry on

So I met up with some friends at the edge of the night
At a bar off 75
And we talked and talked about how our parents will die
All our neighbors and wives

But I'd like to think I can cheat it all
To make up for the times I've been cheated on
And it's nice to know when I was left for dead
I was found and now I don't roam these streets

I am not the ghost you want of me

If you're lost and alone or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your path be the sound of your feet upon the ground, and
Carry on

Whoa, my head is on fire, but my legs are fine
After all, they are mine
Lay your clothes down on the floor
Close the door, hold the phones
Show me how no one's ever gonna stop us now
(...)

'Cause we are, we are shining stars
We are invincible, we are who we are
On our darkest day when we're miles away
So we'll come, we will find our way home

If you're lost and alone or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your path be the sound of your feet upon the ground, and
Carry on

Oh-oh-whoa, oh-oh-oh-whoa
Oh, oh, oh-whoa-oh, whoa-oh
Oh-whoa, oh-oh-oh-whoa
Oh, oh, oh-whoa-oh, whoa-oh

No one's ever gonna stop us now
No one's ever, no one's ever gonna, no one's ever gonna stop us now
No one's ever, ever, no one's ever gonna stop us, no one's ever
No one's ever gonna stop us now

Source: Musixmatch

37. Share some meaningful scriptures and what you learned from them.

38. What are your resolutions for 2021? 

Minimize. 

2019 in Review

I am usually pretty good about typing up our yearly reviews within a couple of weeks of the new year, if not prior to the new year. This year I'm sitting down to do it in March. That's how I roll these days with five kids, two of them being twin toddlers.

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Went to New Orleans with Wendel. I loved it.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  Yes. Not fully but I was intentional in all three areas. (The yearbook isn't printed but it is complete on my phone.)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No
4. Did anyone close to you die? No
5. What countries did you visit? None
6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?  Less stuff. 
7. What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory and why? October 11, 2019. I am going to copy what I wrote about this experience on my other blog (The Greatest Work) and share it here:

Today was a difficult day. I feel really sad and overwhelmed but also so grateful. Zach got out of the front door twice today. The first time, he was awake before I came downstairs and was downstairs with Oliver watching a show. Wendel left for work and I went in to get Nathan out of his crib. When I went down with Nathan, I asked the kids where Zach was. No of them knew. I ran outside and found him up the street a few houses, on the sidewalk. I ran up there in my pjs and carried him home. Then later this morning, I was making a quinoa salad in the kitchen and the kids were playing. They were upstairs some of the time and between the living room and the front room. Nathan was in the kitchen with me (he likes to stay near me most of the time). I always keep the top lock locked on the front door but Oliver and Josh went through the front door to take out the trash and recycling and didn't lock it when they came back in. I was making food and wasn't thinking about it. I was busy with Nathan - he wanted to see what I was making. After a while, I checked on the kids and asked where Zach was. Nobody knew. I looked at the front door and saw the top lock was unlocked. My heart started racing. I had Josh and Norah look upstairs, and I did as well, after I couldn't see him up the street. I sent Oliver around the block to look for him, but before Oliver got back, I got Nathan and Norah in the Excursion to drive around looking for Zach, all the while praying for his safety. I left Josh in front of the house in case Zach came wandering back. (I didn't plan to drive very far.) As I slowly drove up our street, a police car slowly approached me. I rolled down my window and asked the officer if he had seen a toddler. He said his partner had him around the corner. I had tears in my eyes and my voice was shaky. He told me not to worry, that he was okay. I pulled up behind a car one street over. The woman had the back of her vehicle open and Zach was sitting there, with a blanket around him, next to her son. (I cringed as I realized he was naked and shoeless, other than his diaper because I undress them when they eat and I hadn't gotten him dressed for the day yet.) "I'm his mom," I said as I approached her and the other officer. "Thank you so much." The woman just looked at me with a look of "How could you not know you child was not in your house? What kind of mother are you?" She didn't say a word to me but turned around and walked away. I took Zach and held him to me, grateful he was safe. The officers said they would follow me home because they needed to see my license. I ran into the house to grab it and after recording the info, they asked if they could come inside to see the lock on the door and how he escaped. I showed them the top lock and the baby gate and said I always keep the top lock locked and explained what happened. The younger officer started walking through our home. He said he needed to see it and started walking upstairs without my permission. I knew they couldn't without a warrant but I also knew if I protested, it might make things worse and I wanted to be cooperative. I cringed at our messy house, the clutter everywhere. I was embarrassed about our house and the situation. How could I not know Zach was outside? Twice today? The senior officer was nice and understanding. I asked him if they were going to report it to CPS and told him I used to be an investigator. He didn't answer me directly at first but later said they have to and they're just doing their job. When the Jr officer came back downstairs, he opened the hall closet. The Sr officer told him to "stand down" and that I used to be an investigator and know the protocol. The jr officer asked me how I couldn't know Zach was gone for 15 minutes. I told him I thought he was with the other kids and that he plays well independently. He said that's a long time. I got the impression he doesn't have kids.

It's horrible being on this side of an investigation. I always imagined it would be. I have a different point of view now, being a mom of five busy, strong willed (and some mentally challenged) kids. My head hurts and I'm exhausted so I'm going to finish this tomorrow.

........................................

I feel like I was punched in the stomach when this happened on Friday and I'm still feeling the pain from it. I fasted today for gratitude that Zach is safe - that he wasn't hit by a car or kidnapped. I can't even let my mind go there because it is so horrifying to think about. Whether or not the report is substantiated, our boy is alive and here with us and nothing else matters in comparison to that.

2/27/20 Update: I still have not heard from CPS at this point and don't even think about them coming anymore. I am incredibly grateful.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Similar to last year's response: Being an intentional mother to my five children. It's not easy but I keep at it, knowing it's the most important work I will ever do. It is a privilege and an honor to be their mother.
9. What was your biggest failure? I feel that I failed Zach when he got out of the house and I didn't know where he was. 
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious. 
11. What was the best thing you bought? Unsure. Groceries to feed our family healthy meals? We spend a lot of money on groceries.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I was really proud of Wendel for investing time and money into the Ontocore Program, a program that encourages personal and professional growth. It was expensive and not something he ever saw modeled growing up. He took me with him and we both got a lot of our the experience, especially him. I admire him for dedicating himself to this way of being.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Same as last year: People I hear about on the news. People shooting other people. Selfish acts that take lives and destroy families. 
14. Where did most of your money go? Definitely groceries and consumables (diapers, wipes, TP, paper towels, etc.)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to New Orleans in January with Wendel and our friends (Chris and Ashley and Erick and Molly - Chris, Erick and Wendel all work together in their business, Livestock Transport Nation, which is a Cattle Company) and going to CA with Wendel to attend Ontocore. Both were great experiences. 
16. What song will always remind you of 2019? "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran, 
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Just as happy. 
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter. I turned 40 and my metabolism slowed down. I have gained about 8 -10 lbs, which fluctuates. I want to tackle this soon but I am too drained at the moment. 
c) richer or poorer? The same. Blessed immensely, both financially and with a beautiful family.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? 
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? 
20. How did you spend Christmas? 
21. Did you fall in love in 2019? 
22. What was your favorite TV program? This is Us. So good. 
23. What was the best book you read? I only read one book for pleasure, which was while we were in San Antonio, TX for Cattle Convention. The book is The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks. It wasn't life-changing or amazing but it was an interesting love story / suspense novel and it was so nice to relax and read something enjoyable. 
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? 
25. What did you want and get? 
26. What did you want and not get? Nothing comes to mind. 
27. What was your favorite film of this year? I enjoyed The Overcommer. Wendel and I saw it on a date in the theater. I think it was the only movie I saw in a theater this year, other than kids movies during the summer-kid-series. 
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 40 this year. I wanted to ring in my 40s doing something fun and eating good food. I requested a dance party, which we held at our stake center. We catered Chipotle (my favorite) and had fun dancing and hanging out with friends.I loved it.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? Same as last year: I'm often in workout clothes (I do actually work out most mornings) or jeans and a t-shirt. I really like being casual and comfortable. I want to start wearing make up more often again (as opposed to just at church). 
31. What kept you sane? Wendel. Always Wendel. We're in this crazy, survival time together. Also, my testimony keeps me grounded. I would be a different person without it, I think. Third: working out. It is my therapy. Fourth: Podcasts. I love them. (My favorites: Better Than Happy by Jody Moore, Cultivate a Good Life by Becky Higgins and Becky Proudfit, This is the Gospel by LDS Living, 3 in 30 by Rachel Nielsen and several others.)
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 
33. What political issue stirred you the most? 
34. Who did you miss? 
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: 
36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: 

37. Share some meaningful scriptures and what you learned from them.

38. What are your resolutions for 2020? 

2018 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before? Wendel and I went to Boston for four days! It was so amazing to get away. We attended a Children's Mental Health Conference, learned a lot and had a lot of nice down time together. We missed our kids and they missed us but I think we all appreciated each other a bit more when we returned.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  I kept a couple. Sort of. I did print the first volume of Oliver's blog book as a Christmas gift for him (which was one of my favorite gifts to give this year - I got emotional telling him about it as he looked through the pages) and the twins' room is mostly in order but doesn't have their pictures in it yet (Josh's pictures are still in it since it used to be his room). I have definitely made some for this year. Only three and they are very intentional. I am excited about them.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not this year. A couple of friends but not anyone I'm super close to. 
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? Maybe someday. 
6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?  My answer remains the same as last year: I still desire a clean, organized home. I am determined to be more intentional about this this coming year.
7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory and why? It's not a specific date but many days / nights stand out regarding my sister, Lindsey. She has struggled with alcohol and some drugs this past year and it has been terrifying and heartbreaking to watch and feel helpless a lot of the time. I think I will always remember June 2018. Lindsey called me and told me she's an alcoholic and was getting help. She said she was on a waiting list for a rehab facility but had to go through detox first. She said she was really depressed and having a hard time. I wanted to be there for her so I bought a ticket and planned to go - and then Nathan got pneumonia. He was admitted to the hospital overnight and was released the day my flight was leaving for Utah. I didn't think I would end up going after all and decided, literally in the very last few minutes before we had to leave for the airport, that I would go. I was originally going to take Nathan on the plane with me (I couldn't take both babies - only one free lap child) but with him being sick, I left him home with Wendel and I took Zach instead. I'm so glad I went to Utah, even though it was hard to leave Nathan and the other kids, and even though it was so hard seeing my sister the way she was. I saw her high. I helped her clean and pack up her apartment without any power. She took off in the middle of the night while we were sharing a hotel room with our dad in Salt Lake, after taking a sleeping pill and being drunk. We didn't know if she would live. 

There were other instances, one in particular in September 2018, where she drank a lot of vodka (most of a bottle + a partial bottle of wine) and then drove. She answered her phone as we would call her but it's impossible to reason with a drunk person, as I learned. That was a terrifying night and we didn't know if she would live through it. I have some of our conversations recorded and it is heartbreaking to listen to them. 

Lindsey has since completed inpatient rehab in San Diego (she just barely finished last week) and is about to start an outpatient program in some sober living apartments in Salt Lake. She reached her 100th day of sobriety through Alcoholics Anonymous the Saturday before Christmas. She is doing AMAZING and I am so proud of her! 
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Being a good mother to five children. Feeding them healthy food, supporting their interests, helping them with homework and reading, taking them to and from their activities, reading to them, building their testimonies, taking them to the park, reflecting feelings and talking through difficult emotions, etc. It's a lot and it's definitely an achievement.
9. What was your biggest failure? There is one regret I have that really bothers me. I was at the park with the kids and I was up on a play structure with the twins. It was the big-kid type of structure, with the bigger slides, higher up, with more openings. There was a man sitting on a bench about 15 or so feet away. A boy approached him (I'm not sure of his age - maybe 10 or 12 or so). I don't know why they were initially conversing - the man had kids about his age and I think maybe there was conflict between this boy and his kids. I heard the man yelling at the kid. He yelled something very close to this: "You're nothing but trash. Your parents probably left you here because you're just a piece of trash!" I was shocked that he would yell this to this child and my initial instinct was to run over to them and speak up for the kid. Then reassure him he's not trash. But I couldn't move quickly from the top of the play structure to where they were, with the twins in my arms. The kid immediately backed up and walked away. But I wonder how the rest of his evening went. It was close to getting dark. I wonder if he had loving parents to go home to. If his self esteem was strong enough to buoy him up from the harsh words. I think if I could do it over, I would grab the twins and move quickly. The man was so mean and harsh. 
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious. 
11. What was the best thing you bought? I'm pretty excited about our Excursion we bought last month. It's so nice having cargo space in the back (for the double stroller, groceries, blankets, etc.). We didn't have this in the Tahoe and it's a game changer. I've also decided I like trucks. I like being high up off of the ground. It's a diesl and I'm getting used to that. I miss the seat warmer in the Tahoe and that it's quieter when we leave at 6:10 am to take the boys to the bus stop - but otherwise I'm loving our Excursion. 
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Same as last year: People I hear about on the news. People shooting other people. Selfish acts that take lives and destroy families. 
14. Where did most of your money go? Our Excursion ($10,000), groceries (Our grocery bill jumped from $300-$400 to closer to $600 now that the twins eat solid food. I used to be able to stretch one meal into two with leftovers but not anymore.)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I purchased a e-course called "Your Uncluttered Home" by Allie Casazza. It's about being intentional about minimizing and simplifying our home and I am so ready to dive in. I've been doing a little here and there as I can and I'm feeling super motivated about it. Also, I asked Wendel for a ticket to go to Jody Moore Live for Christmas. Jody Moore is a life coach and I LOVE listening to her podcast episodes. I am learning so much about my thoughts and how they affect my actions. I can't wait to go to her event next month.
16. What song will always remind you of 2018? "Never Give Up" by Sia (I feel like this is my theme song and love working out to this one), "Rise Up" by Sandra Day (love the music video), "Good Morning" by Max Frost, "Lemonade" by Alex Boye', "Blessings" by Laura Story (I love this song so much)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Just as happy. 
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner. I hit my pre-pregnancy weight goal (back down to 123 lbs). My body doesn't look like it used to at the same weight but I'm happy and healthy and completely good with where I am. 
c) richer or poorer? The same. Blessed immensely, both financially and with a beautiful family.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Minimize our stuff. That's my goal this year. (Also, my standard answer of family history stuff but I did finally print the first volume of the blog I kept while I was pregnant with Oliver, which I'm so happy about.) 
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Accumulate more stuff we don't need that adds to the clutter in our home.
20. How did you spend Christmas? My brother, Tyson ("Uncle Ty") spent Christmas with us this year. It was so fun to have him here. We took turns with everyone opening their gifts, including him. The kids were really patient and it was a great morning (though they received way too many presents - we were still opening the family gifts weeks later. We are going to be much more intentional about Christmas next year).  
21. Did you fall in love in 2017? Yes, I'm starting to fall in love with the idea of minimalism and simplicity. I think it's going to take a while to get to where we want to be but I'm starting to shift my mindset and it's exciting.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Poldark. Hands down this show. Wendel and I both enjoyed it. I finally got my mom hooked on it, too, after telling her about it many, many times, and she was obsessed. 
23. What was the best book you read? I am currently reading "Taking Charge of ADHD" by Dr. Russell Barkley. It's so insightful and interesting. I want to spend more time reading this book. I need to calendar it in somehow or it won't happen. 
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Andra Day has a beautiful voice.
25. What did you want and get? A suburban! 
26. What did you want and not get? Nothing comes to mind. 
27. What was your favorite film of this year? I don't think I saw one new-release movie this year. I watched lots of Halmark-type Christmas shows on Netflix while wrapping presents this year. That's pretty much it.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 39 this year. I don't remember too many details about it.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? My answer is the same as last year: I feel like having a clean and organized home + having time to spend on family history stuff would bring satisfaction. In the past I've felt like I would have to give up other things to make those happen and I'm not sure the tradeoff would be worth it. But I want to be more intentional this year about working on both of these goals a little at a time.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016? I'm often in workout clothes (I do actually work out most mornings) or jeans and a t-shirt. I really like being casual and comfortable. I want to start wearing make up more often again (as opposed to just at church). 
31. What kept you sane? Wendel. Always Wendel. We're in this crazy, survival time together. Also, my testimony keeps me grounded. I would be a different person without it, I think. Third: working out. It is my therapy. 
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? None, really.
33. What political issue stirred you the most? 
34. Who did you miss? My sister, Lindsey.
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018: 
36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: 

I really love the song Rise Up by Andra Day. My friend Courtney Richardson shared the music video with me, which is beautiful. It's about doing hard things again and again, even though it's heartbreaking at times. It reminds me of the struggles our older boys go through and how we go through it with them, again and again, no matter what. 

And I'll rise up

I'll rise like the day

I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousand times again
And I'll rise up
High like the waves
I'll rise up
In spite of the ache
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousands times again
For you
For you
For you
For you

37. Share some meaningful scriptures and what you learned from them.

I shared this one on my other blog, A Beautiful Life: 

I was just reading in the Book of Mormon and read this verse, which hit me like a ton of bricks:

"And it came to pass that I was overcome because of my afflictions, for I considered that mine afflictions were great above all, because of the destruction of my people, for I had beheld their fall. And it came to pass that after I had received strength I spake unto my brethern, desiring to know of them the cause of their disputations." 1 Nephi 15:5-6

Prior to reading from the Book of Mormon today, I prayed for guidance, that the Spirit would speak to my heart and that I would know whom I could help. This verse definitely is guidance for me and I feel that it is from the Spirit speaking to my heart and me being open to receive it.

These verses are such a great parenting teaching tool. When things are hard and overwhelming and my boys are disputing with each other, I should speak to them about their disputes after I receive strength. For me, that means after I pray. Saying a quick prayer and taking some deep breaths before I respond can be a big game changer to help me respond calmly and lovingly, to be patient and understanding, rather than frustrated and upset.

I testify that the scriptures really are written for our day. They are so applicable to our lives. As I read from them, I am lifted up and strengthened. As I start my day with reading even just a chapter, my day goes smoother and an eternal perspective is close in my mind. The Spirit is with me. 

38. What are your resolutions for 2019? 

1. Be more intentional about minimizing the clutter in our home. I bought a course called Your Uncluttered Home by Allie Casazza and I'm doing it a little at a time but seeing progress already. 
2. Connect more with Josh. More 1:1 time, more words of affirmation, more reflective listening. 
3. Make a family yearbook. I've wanted to do this for years and I'm finally diving in this year and doing it with the Project Life app. I have already started and I'm so excited!

39. What is your word for 2019? Intentional.