Sunday, January 24, 2021

2018 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2018 that you’d never done before? Wendel and I went to Boston for four days! It was so amazing to get away. We attended a Children's Mental Health Conference, learned a lot and had a lot of nice down time together. We missed our kids and they missed us but I think we all appreciated each other a bit more when we returned.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?  I kept a couple. Sort of. I did print the first volume of Oliver's blog book as a Christmas gift for him (which was one of my favorite gifts to give this year - I got emotional telling him about it as he looked through the pages) and the twins' room is mostly in order but doesn't have their pictures in it yet (Josh's pictures are still in it since it used to be his room). I have definitely made some for this year. Only three and they are very intentional. I am excited about them.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not this year. A couple of friends but not anyone I'm super close to. 
4. Did anyone close to you die? No.
5. What countries did you visit? Maybe someday. 
6. What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016?  My answer remains the same as last year: I still desire a clean, organized home. I am determined to be more intentional about this this coming year.
7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory and why? It's not a specific date but many days / nights stand out regarding my sister, Lindsey. She has struggled with alcohol and some drugs this past year and it has been terrifying and heartbreaking to watch and feel helpless a lot of the time. I think I will always remember June 2018. Lindsey called me and told me she's an alcoholic and was getting help. She said she was on a waiting list for a rehab facility but had to go through detox first. She said she was really depressed and having a hard time. I wanted to be there for her so I bought a ticket and planned to go - and then Nathan got pneumonia. He was admitted to the hospital overnight and was released the day my flight was leaving for Utah. I didn't think I would end up going after all and decided, literally in the very last few minutes before we had to leave for the airport, that I would go. I was originally going to take Nathan on the plane with me (I couldn't take both babies - only one free lap child) but with him being sick, I left him home with Wendel and I took Zach instead. I'm so glad I went to Utah, even though it was hard to leave Nathan and the other kids, and even though it was so hard seeing my sister the way she was. I saw her high. I helped her clean and pack up her apartment without any power. She took off in the middle of the night while we were sharing a hotel room with our dad in Salt Lake, after taking a sleeping pill and being drunk. We didn't know if she would live. 

There were other instances, one in particular in September 2018, where she drank a lot of vodka (most of a bottle + a partial bottle of wine) and then drove. She answered her phone as we would call her but it's impossible to reason with a drunk person, as I learned. That was a terrifying night and we didn't know if she would live through it. I have some of our conversations recorded and it is heartbreaking to listen to them. 

Lindsey has since completed inpatient rehab in San Diego (she just barely finished last week) and is about to start an outpatient program in some sober living apartments in Salt Lake. She reached her 100th day of sobriety through Alcoholics Anonymous the Saturday before Christmas. She is doing AMAZING and I am so proud of her! 
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Being a good mother to five children. Feeding them healthy food, supporting their interests, helping them with homework and reading, taking them to and from their activities, reading to them, building their testimonies, taking them to the park, reflecting feelings and talking through difficult emotions, etc. It's a lot and it's definitely an achievement.
9. What was your biggest failure? There is one regret I have that really bothers me. I was at the park with the kids and I was up on a play structure with the twins. It was the big-kid type of structure, with the bigger slides, higher up, with more openings. There was a man sitting on a bench about 15 or so feet away. A boy approached him (I'm not sure of his age - maybe 10 or 12 or so). I don't know why they were initially conversing - the man had kids about his age and I think maybe there was conflict between this boy and his kids. I heard the man yelling at the kid. He yelled something very close to this: "You're nothing but trash. Your parents probably left you here because you're just a piece of trash!" I was shocked that he would yell this to this child and my initial instinct was to run over to them and speak up for the kid. Then reassure him he's not trash. But I couldn't move quickly from the top of the play structure to where they were, with the twins in my arms. The kid immediately backed up and walked away. But I wonder how the rest of his evening went. It was close to getting dark. I wonder if he had loving parents to go home to. If his self esteem was strong enough to buoy him up from the harsh words. I think if I could do it over, I would grab the twins and move quickly. The man was so mean and harsh. 
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious. 
11. What was the best thing you bought? I'm pretty excited about our Excursion we bought last month. It's so nice having cargo space in the back (for the double stroller, groceries, blankets, etc.). We didn't have this in the Tahoe and it's a game changer. I've also decided I like trucks. I like being high up off of the ground. It's a diesl and I'm getting used to that. I miss the seat warmer in the Tahoe and that it's quieter when we leave at 6:10 am to take the boys to the bus stop - but otherwise I'm loving our Excursion. 
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Same as last year: People I hear about on the news. People shooting other people. Selfish acts that take lives and destroy families. 
14. Where did most of your money go? Our Excursion ($10,000), groceries (Our grocery bill jumped from $300-$400 to closer to $600 now that the twins eat solid food. I used to be able to stretch one meal into two with leftovers but not anymore.)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I purchased a e-course called "Your Uncluttered Home" by Allie Casazza. It's about being intentional about minimizing and simplifying our home and I am so ready to dive in. I've been doing a little here and there as I can and I'm feeling super motivated about it. Also, I asked Wendel for a ticket to go to Jody Moore Live for Christmas. Jody Moore is a life coach and I LOVE listening to her podcast episodes. I am learning so much about my thoughts and how they affect my actions. I can't wait to go to her event next month.
16. What song will always remind you of 2018? "Never Give Up" by Sia (I feel like this is my theme song and love working out to this one), "Rise Up" by Sandra Day (love the music video), "Good Morning" by Max Frost, "Lemonade" by Alex Boye', "Blessings" by Laura Story (I love this song so much)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Just as happy. 
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner. I hit my pre-pregnancy weight goal (back down to 123 lbs). My body doesn't look like it used to at the same weight but I'm happy and healthy and completely good with where I am. 
c) richer or poorer? The same. Blessed immensely, both financially and with a beautiful family.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Minimize our stuff. That's my goal this year. (Also, my standard answer of family history stuff but I did finally print the first volume of the blog I kept while I was pregnant with Oliver, which I'm so happy about.) 
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Accumulate more stuff we don't need that adds to the clutter in our home.
20. How did you spend Christmas? My brother, Tyson ("Uncle Ty") spent Christmas with us this year. It was so fun to have him here. We took turns with everyone opening their gifts, including him. The kids were really patient and it was a great morning (though they received way too many presents - we were still opening the family gifts weeks later. We are going to be much more intentional about Christmas next year).  
21. Did you fall in love in 2017? Yes, I'm starting to fall in love with the idea of minimalism and simplicity. I think it's going to take a while to get to where we want to be but I'm starting to shift my mindset and it's exciting.
22. What was your favorite TV program? Poldark. Hands down this show. Wendel and I both enjoyed it. I finally got my mom hooked on it, too, after telling her about it many, many times, and she was obsessed. 
23. What was the best book you read? I am currently reading "Taking Charge of ADHD" by Dr. Russell Barkley. It's so insightful and interesting. I want to spend more time reading this book. I need to calendar it in somehow or it won't happen. 
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Andra Day has a beautiful voice.
25. What did you want and get? A suburban! 
26. What did you want and not get? Nothing comes to mind. 
27. What was your favorite film of this year? I don't think I saw one new-release movie this year. I watched lots of Halmark-type Christmas shows on Netflix while wrapping presents this year. That's pretty much it.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 39 this year. I don't remember too many details about it.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? My answer is the same as last year: I feel like having a clean and organized home + having time to spend on family history stuff would bring satisfaction. In the past I've felt like I would have to give up other things to make those happen and I'm not sure the tradeoff would be worth it. But I want to be more intentional this year about working on both of these goals a little at a time.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2016? I'm often in workout clothes (I do actually work out most mornings) or jeans and a t-shirt. I really like being casual and comfortable. I want to start wearing make up more often again (as opposed to just at church). 
31. What kept you sane? Wendel. Always Wendel. We're in this crazy, survival time together. Also, my testimony keeps me grounded. I would be a different person without it, I think. Third: working out. It is my therapy. 
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? None, really.
33. What political issue stirred you the most? 
34. Who did you miss? My sister, Lindsey.
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018: 
36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: 

I really love the song Rise Up by Andra Day. My friend Courtney Richardson shared the music video with me, which is beautiful. It's about doing hard things again and again, even though it's heartbreaking at times. It reminds me of the struggles our older boys go through and how we go through it with them, again and again, no matter what. 
And I'll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I'll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousand times again
And I'll rise up
High like the waves
I'll rise up
In spite of the ache
I'll rise up
And I'll do it a thousands times again
For you
For you
For you
For you
37. Share some meaningful scriptures and what you learned from them.

I shared this one on my other blog, A Beautiful Life: 

I was just reading in the Book of Mormon and read this verse, which hit me like a ton of bricks:

"And it came to pass that I was overcome because of my afflictions, for I considered that mine afflictions were great above all, because of the destruction of my people, for I had beheld their fall. And it came to pass that after I had received strength I spake unto my brethern, desiring to know of them the cause of their disputations." 1 Nephi 15:5-6

Prior to reading from the Book of Mormon today, I prayed for guidance, that the Spirit would speak to my heart and that I would know whom I could help. This verse definitely is guidance for me and I feel that it is from the Spirit speaking to my heart and me being open to receive it.

These verses are such a great parenting teaching tool. When things are hard and overwhelming and my boys are disputing with each other, I should speak to them about their disputes after I receive strength. For me, that means after I pray. Saying a quick prayer and taking some deep breaths before I respond can be a big game changer to help me respond calmly and lovingly, to be patient and understanding, rather than frustrated and upset.

I testify that the scriptures really are written for our day. They are so applicable to our lives. As I read from them, I am lifted up and strengthened. As I start my day with reading even just a chapter, my day goes smoother and an eternal perspective is close in my mind. The Spirit is with me. 

38. What are your resolutions for 2019? 

1. Be more intentional about minimizing the clutter in our home. I bought a course called Your Uncluttered Home by Allie Casazza and I'm doing it a little at a time but seeing progress already. 
2. Connect more with Josh. More 1:1 time, more words of affirmation, more reflective listening. 
3. Make a family yearbook. I've wanted to do this for years and I'm finally diving in this year and doing it with the Project Life app. I have already started and I'm so excited!

39. What is your word for 2019? Intentional.

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