change

My whole world is about to change. That's so weird to think about. I think because I just haven't had time to think about it much with how busy I've been, it's just now hitting me. I just looked at his most recent ultra sound picture again and for some reason it all seemed more real (also contributing could be the fact that I'm about to pop). I can't believe that in a matter of a couple of weeks I will be holding my son in my arms. I really can't believe it. This pregnancy has flown by but when I look back to July when we found out that I was pregnant, it seems like so long ago. Now here I am with a grown baby inside, ready to make his entrance into the world soon. It just seems kind of surreal. Even though I am really not prepared at all in so many ways, I have been waiting for this for a lot longer than 9 months.

My life has been so stressful lately. My Biology class has to be completed by March 19th, which is two weeks from today. That is not going to happen. It is literally not possible, not only because there aren't enough hours in the day, but also because LSU (which is in Louisiana), where I am taking the class, is very slow with sending things like graded assignments and tests through the mail, so I am stuck until they come, and who knows when that will be (not in enough time to complete the rest of my work in two weeks).

Anyway, due to not completing this class on time, I have to take a leave of absence from my program. (I just sighed as I typed that.) This is actually much better than what I was originally told would happen if I didn't finish on time, which was that I would be kicked out of the program and would have to reapply if I wanted to return (which, if you remember, was a very involved process that I don't care to repeat). Thanks to a professor of mine, who also happens to be my academic adviser, the director of the program has agreed to allow me to take a leave of absence rather than drop me from the program. I am so grateful for this. Even though this is good news compared to the alternative, when I first found out about it, I was completely crushed. In fact, I kind of had a little bit of a breakdown that was not good. We have felt so good about school and it's so hard to think of stepping back from this goal and graduating a year later than anticipated (because the core classes are only offered once a year, I will have to take some of them next year and graduate in 2012 rather than 2011).

As I've had time to process this, I've felt a lot of peace about it, as has W. We both feel that it's going to be okay to do this. Part of me is kind of relieved because now I will have three months, not only off of work, but off of school too, totally devoted to our baby (other than the Biology class, which I still have to work on until it is completed, as I can't re-enter the program until it is done).

I have been killing myself trying to get this class done by the deadline, on top of a huge research project, work in my other class, and working / training my replacement. I have been getting 5-6 hours of sleep each night at the most. It just has not been healthy.

Tonight after work, we went out to eat. We talked about this decision and how we both feel good about it. We came home and watched Bones. I told W it was one of the best nights of my life because I could actually relax, which I really needed. It is amazing how much better I feel.

I will still be stressed out until the baby comes, trying to get things done to wrap up this quarter. I will still spend hours at the library and wonder how I'm going to get everything done that is required of me. But a huge burden has been lifted. I feel so much better.

makes me smile

I am getting so excited to meet this little guy.

[Ultrasound from last week at 37 weeks to confirm that he turned. Yay!]

little photo shoot | 36 weeks

My friend Julie took some maternity pictures for me last Saturday at 36 weeks. I had wanted to take these earlier in my pregnancy when I was feeling a bit more comfortable in front of the camera, but life was just too busy (not that it has slowed down, but I'm running out of time). It was raining on and off but we made it work. These were taken across from the campus where I go to school. Here are a few of my favorites.





Thanks Julie!

*freaking out*

[Picture taken a little over two weeks ago, at 34 weeks]

I can't believe our baby is due so soon. Only 3 1/2 weeks! I am kind of freaking out. I am so not ready and have about a million things to do before then. Hopefully the stress of it all won't cause early labor. Oh my goodness. Seriously. 3 1/2 weeks.

my nemesis

I hate that I have to take Biology this quarter. It's so lame. Maybe I should come back when I'm not so grumpy.

Utah Baby Shower

My mom and sister threw me a shower in Utah so my extended family there could get together and see my big pregnant belly and shower me with gifts (as well as a few friends who live in Utah). It was really fun. Here are some of the decorations (this is at my mom's house - isn't it so cute?)

Cute little treat bags for guests to take.

Yummy food.

Prizes for the winners of the games. We played the one where everyone is given a little blue clothes pin to wear and if someone hears you say the words "baby" or "cute" they can take away your pin, and whoever has the most at the end wins (I lost right away...how could I not say the word cute when opening baby clothes?). We also played the one where everyone has to cut off how much string they think will measure my belly and the closest one wins.

I am in love with this blanket my mom made for him. It's perfect.

Grandma and Grandpa Roberts. They both gave very touching advice at my shower (yes, my grandpa came to the shower and stayed the whole time, actively participating in the games and everything. It was really cute).

Heidi and me. We have been friends since 6th grade. I'm so glad she could come to my shower. It was really good to see her.

Lindsey and me

My Grandma and Grandpa Herzog

My mom and me with the blanket she made for our little guy. I absolutely love it! These are going to be the colors of his nursery - green and white with accents of chocolate brown and light blue. I love the fabric that she chose and how it all looks together. This blanket makes me so excited to start putting his nursery together.

I wish I could have gotten more pictures of everyone else who came to the shower but I was a little preoccupied.

Before opening a gift, the person who gave the gift was supposed to give me advice. Here is the advice I got from everyone:

*Don't forget Wendel - Grandma H.
*Sleep when the baby sleeps - Bethaney
*Be flexible with your goals - Taryn
*Have patience. It's okay if you have a fussy baby. Roll with it. -Jenna & Kristi
*Let others spoil you - Krystell
*Don't try to please / impress the neighbors. Stay close to him in the hard times. - Grandma R.
*Use the drugs - Britney
*Don't hesitate to ask for help. - Lindsey
*Plan on giving him (the baby) time. - Diane
*Don't get offended by other people. - Mom
*Pray about things and then do them. - Heidi
*Take time for yourself - Shaunie
*Start using a swing early on. Start FHE before he knows what it is rather than randomly starting it one day when he's older. - Syd
*Remember that there is a time and season for everything. - Neesha
*Stay close to your kids. Teach them about the government and the importance of how it is run. Kids these days don't know about it and don't appreciate it. - Grandpa R.
*It's okay to let them cry...just put in some earplugs and hold them. "Kids are like fruit, they aren't ripe yet." - Kass

Thanks Mom and Linds for the fun shower!