2013 in review

It's time for my annual year in review post. It's pretty sad that my last year in review post is on the same page on this blog...I only had to scroll down a handful of posts to find it. But I guess that speaks to how priorities change and how I have my hands full with my two little cuties. Still, I enjoy reflecting on the year with this post, so here it is. 

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before? I became a stay-at-home mom. 
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Yes, for the most part. Yes, I'll make a few this year but plan to keep them very short and simple. Too many is too overwhelming. 
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Friends in my ward. 
4. Did anyone close to you die? I found out a childhood friend, Dennis Stauffer, passed away in a car accident a couple of years ago. We hadn't kept in close contact so I didn't find out until last month. We had our baptisms together, were in the same ward and went to the same Elementary School. I last saw him when I was 18 and took a bus from Minneapolis, where I was nannying, to Blacksburg, VA, and visited him. It's sad, especially because he had a 1-year-old son when he died. 
5. What countries did you visit? None
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013? More patience, more organization and better time management skills. I seriously want to focus on these three things this year. 
7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory and why? April and October: I left my job at CPS in April, which was difficult for me to do. I became so attached to my job in a way that you do when you go through something that is very trying and provides opportunities for serving others and personal growth. Add awesome coworkers to the mix and it's very difficult to walk away. I then volunteered there once a week until October, when I no longer had childcare for my kids. Again, I was very sad to leave. 
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Being a stay-at-home mom has been very eye-opening. (Wow, it's difficult but I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be at home with my boys.)
9. What was your biggest failure? No big regrets but lots of little things I would like to work on. 
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious
11. What was the best thing you bought? A season pass to the AZ Science Center for $30 (a living social deal). I took the boys almost once a a week during the summer. Oliver loved it and it was a great way to fill our time in an educational way (plus being in an air conditioned building was a definite plus). 
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Oliver has come such a long way since the beginning of the year. It was rough for him after Joshua was born and his behavior reflected that. He is doing so much better (which I honestly have to credit Love & Logic to some degree...I'm not perfect at applying it but it was a turning point for me with him). We also got rid of overnight diapers this year. He's such a big boy now! 
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Politicians always seem to fall into this category. I'm not very impressed with President Obama. 
14. Where did most of your money go? Formula + diapers would be big chunk of it. 
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to Hawaii in April. It was a much-needed break for these exhausted parents. We left the boys with my mom so we got to sleep in...amazing. 
16. What song will always remind you of 2013? More than just one: Feel This Moment by Pitbull, Closer by Teagan and Sara, Radioactive by Imagine Dragons, Deamons by Imagine Dragons, Best Day Of My Life by American Authors, Royals by Lorde and Justin Timberlake (went to his concert with my friend, Autumn). 
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier in general. 
b) thinner or fatter? Thinner. I hit my goal weight about six months ago, thanks to Weight Watchers. I now weigh less than I did before I got pregnant with Josh. 
c) richer or poorer? About the same. 
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I would've had more time to do more family history (scrapbooking, journaling, blogging, etc. - especially the boys' books). This is my same answer as last year...still on my to-do list. I need to make it a priority. 
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Possibly Facebook. I'm not on there all the time but a couple of times a day, which feels like too much right now. (Again, I want to prioritize.) 
20. How did you spend Christmas? With our little family. It was the first Christmas in a few years where it was just us. It was nice. Wendel and I especially enjoyed seeing Oliver's excitement; this was the first year he was really into it. He loved the anticipation of opening his gifts almost more than the gift itself. 
21. Did you fall in love in 2012? Even more with my kids than before. I didn't think that was possible. 
22. What was your favorite TV program? Parenthood still remains a favorite but Big Bang Theory is a pretty close second. (Those are the only two shows we watch.) 
23. What was the best book you read? Love & Logic, followed by How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk. Both were life-changing for me. 
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? I really like Imagine Dragons. 
25. What did you want and get? A vacation that involved sleeping in and eating yummy food.
26. What did you want and not get? Nothing comes to mind. 
27. What was your favorite film of this year? Nothing really amazing. There were fun ones, like Pitch Perfect, Thor and Iron Man 3. 
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 34. It was not my best birthday ever. 
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I can't think of anything. I feel very happy and blessed. 
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Comfortable, casual and inexpensive (I mostly shop at thrift stores...there are some pretty great finds to be had though, if you're willing to do a little looking.)
31. What kept you sane? Wendel. (Same answer as last year...he's my rock.)
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Um...? 
33. What political issue stirred you the most?  6,000 CPS cases were never assigned to investigators over the past four years and as a result several supervisors are on administrative leave. There's a lot of attention in the media on CPS right now. I'm always interested in following CPS in the news because the people reporting the news really have no idea what it's like to be on the front lines. It frustrates me that those who are doing the difficult job of keeping Arizona's children safe are blamed no matter what they do. Meanwhile, they are underpaid, overworked (man, are they overworked...the amount of work is literally impossible to keep up with) and get burned out. Show me a politician who makes improving CPS a priority and that person will have my vote. I did recently read these ideas from Governor Jan Brewer, which is a great start. I really hope to see these put into action. 
34. Who did you miss? My coworkers (after I left CPS). I really miss them a lot, still. 
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013: Here's two: 1.Parenting is difficult. Not all kids are the same. It's easy to judge other moms or feel judged by other moms as a result of differences in parenting. I've come to realize that there are many different ways to be a "good mom" and no matter what kind of good mom you are, be the best you can for your kids, don't judge others and try not to be offended easily. 2. It's good to be busy doing good things. I'm grateful for a busy calling (Primary Secretary) and the busyness of taking care of two, active little boys. 
36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "I just want to feel this moment" by Pitbull. And when I say "this moment" I refer to sleep and how amazing it is. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep as a mom but man, do I miss it. Sleep is really amazing. 

Here's to a wonderful 2014!

Moving forward

Our Christmas card this year.

 A little recap from 2012 (I did this back in 2010 as well):

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? Worked for CPS.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? My resolutions from last year were the following: 01. Blog more often. 02. Read from the Book of Mormon daily with Wendel. 03. Write in my personal journal at least once a week. 04. Work on Oliver's book regularly. 05. Use my scripture journal with my personal scripture study at least one time each week. 06. Work out 3x / week. I pretty much failed at all of these.  Wendel and I did okay reading scriptures but not perfect, especially toward the end of the year.  I obviously didn't blog more often, I didn't write in my personal journal once a week and I didn't work on Oliver's book at all.  I wrote in my scripture journal a little but not much.  I did work out pretty regularly up until I got pregnant.  Overall, I did not do stellar with my goals.  I do have a few resolutions for this year, which will hopefully be more attainable (to come later in this post). 
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Other than me, I had several friends and two cousins give birth this year.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Wendel's grandmother, Rose Winnifred Pratt Burnham, died in December. We named Joshua's middle name (Pratt) after her (and after Wendel - Pratt is one of his middle names as well).
5. What countries did you visit? None
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? More patience.
7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory and why? December 24th, the day Joshua was born.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Working full time for CPS while being pregnant and being a mother to a 2-year-old.
9. What was your biggest failure? No big regrets
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious
11. What was the best thing you bought? Probably Wendel's Ford F-250.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Oliver's - he is fully potty trained as of a few months ago!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Political leaders - elections depress me with all of the lying candidates do about each other.
14. Where did most of your money go? Life.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The birth of our son, Joshua.
16. What song will always remind you of 2012? We Are Young by Fun
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Sadder in some ways at this specific time - but I think this is mostly due to having just had a baby and the emotions that come with that adjustment, plus it is quite an adjustment for Oliver having a new baby in the house, which has been hard for me too. But we're getting through it. Overall, I would say I am happy and blessed. 
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter but it's worth it.
c) richer or poorer? Richer, both with money and with blessings.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I wish I would've had more time to do more family history (scrapbooking, journaling, blogging, etc.).
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Nothing. No regrets.
20. How did you spend Christmas? In the hospital.  We were released at about 7:30 pm on Christmas evening.  We celebrated the next morning with my mom and brother, Tyson, who were in town.  Wendel's mom, Linda, came over as well. 
21. Did you fall in love in 2012? Yes, with my sweet new son, Joshua. 
22. What was your favorite TV program? Parenthood (my answer was the same in 2010 - love this show so much).
23. What was the best book you read? I didn't read much this year.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Not sure I really had a musical discovery. I am not very adventurous with music and tend to listen to a lot of talk radio commuting to and from work.
25. What did you want and get? A baby
26. What did you want and not get? Nothing comes to mind.
27. What was your favorite film of this year? I didn't see any amazing movies. Sad, but true. I didn't see many movies at all, so that's not saying much.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 33.  I don't recall what we did - probably went out to eat.  Wendel got us a weekend getaway to a place in Scottsdale, which we used at a later date.  My dad and his fiance, Dot, took Oliver for the weekend for us.  We ate at a really great Thai place and were able to sleep in - it doesn't get much better than that.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not sure.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Comfortable.
31. What kept you sane? Wendel.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Taylor Swift.  I really like her music.
33. What political issue stirred you the most?  Not any one.  There were several issues that I followed and had opinions about.  I was frustrated with the election in general.
34. Who did you miss? My family.
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012: I can do hard things. (I knew this before but was reminded of this several times throughout the year.)
36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

"So I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart...

But I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground"

From I Will Wait by Mumford and Sons 

Maybe it's a stretch but I apply the lyrics to my experience working for CPS this past year.  I had to learn to be bold (I'm not naturally this way but had to be on my mission and again as an investigator for CPS) and strong (as I saw lots of abuse).  I had to use my head along with my heart - I couldn't just react with emotion.  I view the second part as kneeling down praying, because I did a lot of that as I prayed for strength to do this work and endurance to keep going - not just working for CPS but balancing work with being a mother and wife, as well as my calling at church and everything else in life - all while being pregnant.  

2012 was a good but very busy year.  I am sitting here pumping, listening to Joshua's sweet little cooing noises as he is hanging out in his swing.  I've been thinking I want to post about my goals for this year so I can solidify them.  I had a long list of goals in mind, in several different areas, that I wanted to tackle this year.  But I think I'm going to keep them to a minimum instead, so I can keep them attainable.

01. Become more patient. I never realized I struggled with patience until recently.  Being a parent - and a recent stay-at-home mom with a very jealous and defiant 2-year-old has brought this to light in a hurry.  I find myself getting easily frustrated with how easily frustrated and defiant Oliver gets (hmm - I think part of the problem is we are so much alike) and wishing patience came more easily to me. The plan: Study Love and Logic, study patience in the scriptures, Ensign and other books, and make concerted efforts to practice being patient with Oliver.  Part of this effort might include keeping track of what I learn / how I'm applying it either here or in a journal of some kind.

02.  Read from the scriptures / gospel study daily.  Even if it's just for ten minutes. The plan: read while I pump or at the beginning of the boys' nap time. 

03. Get back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  The plan: Exercise as soon as I am able (I have to wait five more weeks) and be mindful of what I eat.  This might include joining Weight Watchers or it might not.  I've got 20 pounds to lose and I'm determined to do it. 

04. Give more to my calling.  I want to focus more on my calling - to really do my best and be mindful of the children I'm serving as Primary Secretary.  The plan: Set aside time to work on my calling, do not procrastinate, pray for help and pray for the children and sisters I serve with.  

 Those are the four I really want to focus on, so I'm going to drop everything else off of my list and do my best in these areas. 

Happy 2013!

i didn't know

It's funny how you have expectations and plans for you life but then things don't turn out the way you expected at all. It's like that quote, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." One thing that has completely surprised me lately is how much I love the work I'm doing at my practicum. Before I started, I didn't know I would like it and was giving myself pep talks to get through it. I didn't know that I would fall completely in love with it and feel incredibly sad as it is coming to an end. So sad that I have to give myself pep talks to convince myself that leaving the families I've been working with, leaving my mentor and my supervisor whom I have grown to love, leaving a part of myself I always knew was there but hadn't yet fully realized, is okay. I guess I should have known that I would love these families that are struggling to make good choices and reunify because when you serve others and think about them and do all that you can to help them, you love them. You just do.

I didn't know that I would be able to advance my practicum by going full time rather than part time (definitely an exception to the rule). That means I will be done on November 7th! It has flown by. At first, I saw a lot of sadness and it was emotionally exhausting. I still see some of that, but my focus has shifted from how that sadness affects me to what I can to help. It really feels like this is a good fit for me. I can hardly stand to think about leaving.

Speaking of not wanting to leave, we are moving to Arizona at the end of the year (possibly as soon as the end of next month). I thought I would like Washington when we moved here but I didn't know how immediately it would feel like home to us and how I would not want to ever leave. People complain about the rain, lack of sun, chilly weather...I will take it all for the beauty, the green trees, the fresh smell, the ideal photo shoot cloud coverage and beautiful locations, the four seasons but still with a fairly mild winter, the amazing people we have met. Don't get me wrong, Arizona is great and we really liked it when we lived there. We went to high school in Arizona. We met in Arizona. We have family and friends in Arizona. It's warm and there is a pool in our neighborhood and our winter will be spent in 70 degree weather. But to me, it's no longer home.

I think whenever you put your heart and soul into something, you leave a piece of yourself behind when you leave. I felt that way about my mission. I feel that way now. School has been my life since we moved to Washington (let's be honest - since we got married, but really all-consuming since we moved to Washington). I studied hard and jumped through hoops and our marriage was strengthened as we worked through the hard stuff together. Wendel edited every last paper in both my BASW and MSW programs, helped me jump through those hoops, was right by my side through every part of my application process for graduate school, and even drove down to my final presentation in my final gradate class to sit in the back and listen (which was a huge surprise to me). We've done the hard things together, which has stretched us and brought us closer. This makes it all the more difficult to leave. I didn't know school would have such positive effects on our marriage.

I kind of want to curl up in a ball and cry (if I wasn't so busy, I probably would). I am taking courage from Katie, who reminds me that "I can do hard things." Life keeps surprising me, so maybe I will fall in love with Arizona again and I will find a job there that I love and our ward will be amazing and I will meet awesome people and I won't be able to imagine not living there. Right?

a little thing called pride

So the last time I posted was my last day of class last quarter. I had such good intentions of blogging here over my break, catching up on Oliver's blog, working on his baby book, and organizing our home. I would love to say that I did at least one of those things...I guess I started organizing Oliver's baby clothes and rearranging his room, but I did not have time to finish so I had to leave it in a disastrous state.

The good news? This is the beginning of the end. Tomorrow is the first day of my last quarter of college classes ever. My heart started beating a little faster as I typed those words. I will be done in June. Then, I will only have a part-time practicum to complete next year, and I then I will have my MSW! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's beautiful.

I finally finished up my Senior Capstone Project (equivalent to a thesis in my field).  I worked so hard on that project and I'm so glad it's done! I got a 4.0 on it, which I am happy about. The night I turned it in, W and I met up at Red Lobster after class to celebrate (my mom was in town at the time so she was at home with Oliver). W brought me some balloons and flowers to the restaurant, which was so sweet of him.

The last time I posted, I mentioned that I had been feeling prideful about school. I've been thinking about how I got to this point. While I was working on my BASW, I finally found the thing that clicked - the thing I felt passionately about. Where was social work when I first started my college "career" in 1998? Why did I not know about this amazing field and how I would fall completely in love with it? So fast forward to 2007 when I was finally able to start the Social Work Program. I had several years of college under my belt (as in nine) so I knew how to do the student thing. Now that I didn't have to deal with annoying classes like Math and Chemistry, I could really excel at academia. Plus, I was motivated to get good grades in the event that I decided to apply to grad school, which I thought was pretty likely. Therefore, I became super competitive (which, in most cases, I am quite the opposite of competitive - I would rather my sports team lose and see the other team win, if that gives you an idea). I worked very hard. I got As in all of my classes and graduated with honors. I liked that I was a good student and was respected by my professors and peers. I liked that my writing had improved over the course of my Bachelor's Program (one of my professors even told me I would be crazy not to apply to Law School - which I think is so funny because that is the last thing I would ever want to do). I felt really confident in my abilities as a student (at least as far as social work courses are concerned. Biology is another story).

So then I started graduate school in 2010, to work on my MSW. W and I talked about how there wouldn't be as much pressure now that I wasn't competing for grades to get into grad school. Who cares what my grades are now, as long as they are somewhat decent, right? Wrong. I was still stuck in that competitive "I will get amazing grades and impress my professors and peers and graduate with honors again" mode. And that? That is prideful. I didn't even think of it in this way at all until it was lovingly pointed out to me. Once it was, I immediately realized that this has been the case. Instead of focusing on things that are more important, I have spent countless hours "perfecting my final project." Of course, this is a good thing to do, but maybe not the absolute best possible use of my time when I have so much on my plate, including the most amazing little boy whom my heart aches to be with when I am not. I just got so caught up in it. Playing the role, getting praise from my professors, having them expect the best from me, not wanting to disappoint them. So now, as I begin my final quarter, I am finally getting my act together. I am finally putting school lower on the priority list. I have part two of my research class to take, and I'm not looking forward to it. But, I'm taking it pass/fail and I'm not going to put the pressure on myself to get a 4.0 in the class when all I have to do is pass (like I did with my Policy class in the Fall...I took it pass/fail and I ended up with a 4.0 because I'm such a perfectionist. Ridiculous.)

Lately, I have also been thinking about this:

It's so true. I can be an amazing student, I can be an amazing mom, I can turn a struggling program around at work and make it into something huge that impacts peoples' lives for the better, I can join a goal group and be in a fitness challenge, I can make healthy, homemade meals for my family, I can keep records for my family and blog and take pictures and have a photography business...but I can't do it all at the same time. This has been one of the biggest lessons I have learned while being in graduate school. It is something that I really needed to learn, and I can't believe it took me so long to realize it. I was trying to juggle school (not just school - being a perfect student in school), work (did I mention that while I like my job, it is incredibly stressful and I have probably lost at least a year of my life from the stress?), my family, my house (which gets the brunt of the craziness), and this fitness challenge (starting an hour and twenty minute workout at 11:00 pm and not seeing W for more than ten minutes a day because "I have to keep up with the fitness challenge" is the opposite of healthy), spiritual nourishment, and a little r&r (ie. blog reading like a zombie because I'm too tired to move or do anything else). And all of this? This is also prideful. It really is.

So, I have decided to cut back. This is really difficult for a perfectionist to do, you know. So I'm taking little steps. Instead of working out for 1 hour and 20 minutes to get my max. points for the fitness challenge, I only work out for 40 minutes a night and get the minimum points...but I also clean my kitchen and spend more than ten minutes with my husband. Instead of striving for a 4.0 in my Research class, I am all about scraping by. Luckily, I have a professor for this class whom I have not had in the past, so she does not have high expectations of me, and therefore, I will not be letting her down (yes, I am also a people-pleaser, which I have also realized over the past few years, being in school).

It's refreshing to feel this way. To realize that I don't have to do it all and be everything all at once, while doing it perfectly. I think that as women, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. I am giving myself permission to let some things go. It's about time! Here's to a halfhearted effort in my final quarter of classes ever. Bring it on!

rso block party

I am the secretary of the Student Social Work Organization on campus. Wednesday there was a block party where all of the orgs on campus set up booths to let people know about them. Our booth was pretty dang cool - one of our board members let us use his VW Bug. We let people put a hand print on the car (with paint) if they felt they are committed to social justice. We also passed out sheets with volunteer opportunities in the area. Here are a few pictures of the "Social Justice Mobile." (Click on them and you can see them bigger.)

I know I've said it before, but I really love the social work program I'm in and the friends I've made there. And even though I've been in school FOREVER, I still really enjoy it.

caring for kids auction

As most of you know, I'm a social work student. I'm secretary on the board of the Student Social Work Organization on campus, which is having an online auction this week. This is a fundraiser for Caring for Kids, a volunteer organization that helps kids in the Tacoma area.

I am letting everyone know about this because there are some pretty cool things in this auction that you might be interested in, and all proceeds go to a good cause. There is a facial that is valued at $120, there are gift cards to restaurants, hair salons, some family fun packs, some scuba diving trips, and other fun stuff. W and I even framed some scenic pictures we took and donated it to the cause (see "Tranquil Decor"). Click here to get to the website. Click on make a bid to see what you can bid on. The auction ends on the 18th.

i love thrift stores

I don't have too much to write about but I do want to share a picture of this little treasure I found at the thrift store the other day. It's perfect for displaying my acrylic paints.

We watched Amazing Grace last night. It was a really inspiring movie. I especially loved it because I learned a lot of what the movie was about in my Social Welfare History class last quarter and social work is all about advocacy and making a difference, which is also the theme of this movie. Rent it if you want to feel inspired.

Happy Thursday!