Thursday, September 3, 2015


Parenting. It's what consumes my life right now and I wouldn't have it any other way but wow am I exhausted. I am so tired, I'm actually going to have a blood panel done to see if something is wrong with me. I don't really think there is but I just feel like I can't ever catch up. I eat healthy and exercise and I am just always dragging. These are days of propping Norah's bottle on my chin to feed her while I do other things (she is now starting to hold it herself more often, thankfully), saying "Ot-oh, that's sad" a million times a day to show empathy rather than frustration, lots of self talk, lots of second guessing, lots of patience testing, little sleep, honey on my floors and chairs, smudges on the sliding door, the door left open and flies coming in (I really dislike flies), every time I sit down to eat someone needs something (every single time)... I have a difficult time keeping up with my house too. I hear people say, "The dishes can wait. Enjoy your children." I get that but I would love to have my home presentable so I can have people over. I know it's just a small part of the big picture. In a few years, all of my children will be in school and I will have time to clean my house. I will be able to take a nap. Right now my focus is more on them. Rough and tumble play (my boys' favorite), baking, science experiments, going to the park, visiting the library, reading books, doing puzzles, singing to Norah, dancing with Josh, tossing a ball back and forth to music. I try to balance it with cleaning but only get to the basics and feel like I can't ever catch up in that area either. But I'm trying. And I'm trying to focus on my strengths as a mother. My kids know they can count on me. They know I'll always be there for them, even when they don't make the best choices or if we have rough days. They know they are loved and valuable. They know their boundaries and they know we will be consistent with them. We also make it a priority to nourish their faith and provide opportunities for them to learn about Heavenly Father and Jesus and feel the Spirit. But for some reason I see my inadequacies like a neon sign and feel discouraged at times.

I'm writing these thoughts down, mostly so I can remember them when I'm past this season of parenting. When Norah calls me someday and is feeling drained and discouraged, I can remember that I felt that too.

A couple of quotes that have resonated with my lately:

"The influence of righteous, conscientious, persistent daily parenting is among the most powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world." - Richard G. Scott

“We hold in our arms the rising generation. They come to this earth with important responsibilities and great spiritual capacities. We cannot be casual in how we prepare them. Our challenge as parents and teachers is not to create a spiritual core in their souls but rather to fan the flame of their spiritual core already aglow with the fire of their premortal faith.”


Shupsy said...

Oh my gosh Ashley, I so needed to read this today! you are not alone, I feel the same way and it seems like once I get one thing under control, two more things take its place. You are a wonderful mother, you have such a sweet demeanor and you just glow with it. You are the kind of person/mother others want to be like! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, they really did help me, and I really needed to read those quotes! Keep your head up, we can do this! :)

Ashley said...

Thank you Sara! I think you may be the only person who reads this blog anymore. I almost just recorded these thoughts in my personal journal but I like having the tags on here so I can pull up all my thoughts about parenting at once. I appreciate your comments! I'm glad the quotes resonated with you, too. Yes, we can do this! We miss you guys!

Also, what is the link to your blog? I'd love to follow you too. :)

Mel said...

Ashley, I was thinking about this post the other day and couldn't get it out of my mind! I was thinking about how I remember feeling all those things- and sometimes I still do, but it really shifted when the majority of my kids starting going to school all day. I have more time to catch up now, to take care of myself, and clean. I feel more like myself. "Those dirty dishes can wait" bugs me, too because actually, eventually SOMEONE is going to have to do those dishes SOMETIME, and I'm sorry but it should be while my kids are watching a show and NOT during my post 8:00 me-time/recovery. There's time to connect with our children AND do the dishes. We can work ourselves sick at any job, and being a stay at home mom isn't any different. Making sure they stay upstairs and play while we eat our meals in peace for 15 minutes is perfectly reasonable! Whenever I feel guilty for not playing with my kids or for having them watch TV, I think about how much imagination I used when I was growing up when my mom wasn't around- and I see that in my own kids. They love to play with each other while I'm getting stuff done. And we all need break time, too- I watch TV or take a nap while my kids nap or watch TV (if they're too old to nap).

Anyway, thanks for letting me come on here and rant. I was thinking about you and your sweet kids. You are doing such a great job! I miss you and wish we could have one of our old talks. Love to you and your beautiful family!