change

My whole world is about to change. That's so weird to think about. I think because I just haven't had time to think about it much with how busy I've been, it's just now hitting me. I just looked at his most recent ultra sound picture again and for some reason it all seemed more real (also contributing could be the fact that I'm about to pop). I can't believe that in a matter of a couple of weeks I will be holding my son in my arms. I really can't believe it. This pregnancy has flown by but when I look back to July when we found out that I was pregnant, it seems like so long ago. Now here I am with a grown baby inside, ready to make his entrance into the world soon. It just seems kind of surreal. Even though I am really not prepared at all in so many ways, I have been waiting for this for a lot longer than 9 months.

My life has been so stressful lately. My Biology class has to be completed by March 19th, which is two weeks from today. That is not going to happen. It is literally not possible, not only because there aren't enough hours in the day, but also because LSU (which is in Louisiana), where I am taking the class, is very slow with sending things like graded assignments and tests through the mail, so I am stuck until they come, and who knows when that will be (not in enough time to complete the rest of my work in two weeks).

Anyway, due to not completing this class on time, I have to take a leave of absence from my program. (I just sighed as I typed that.) This is actually much better than what I was originally told would happen if I didn't finish on time, which was that I would be kicked out of the program and would have to reapply if I wanted to return (which, if you remember, was a very involved process that I don't care to repeat). Thanks to a professor of mine, who also happens to be my academic adviser, the director of the program has agreed to allow me to take a leave of absence rather than drop me from the program. I am so grateful for this. Even though this is good news compared to the alternative, when I first found out about it, I was completely crushed. In fact, I kind of had a little bit of a breakdown that was not good. We have felt so good about school and it's so hard to think of stepping back from this goal and graduating a year later than anticipated (because the core classes are only offered once a year, I will have to take some of them next year and graduate in 2012 rather than 2011).

As I've had time to process this, I've felt a lot of peace about it, as has W. We both feel that it's going to be okay to do this. Part of me is kind of relieved because now I will have three months, not only off of work, but off of school too, totally devoted to our baby (other than the Biology class, which I still have to work on until it is completed, as I can't re-enter the program until it is done).

I have been killing myself trying to get this class done by the deadline, on top of a huge research project, work in my other class, and working / training my replacement. I have been getting 5-6 hours of sleep each night at the most. It just has not been healthy.

Tonight after work, we went out to eat. We talked about this decision and how we both feel good about it. We came home and watched Bones. I told W it was one of the best nights of my life because I could actually relax, which I really needed. It is amazing how much better I feel.

I will still be stressed out until the baby comes, trying to get things done to wrap up this quarter. I will still spend hours at the library and wonder how I'm going to get everything done that is required of me. But a huge burden has been lifted. I feel so much better.