1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Went to New Orleans with Wendel. I loved it.
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Yes. Not fully but I was intentional in all three areas. (The yearbook isn't printed but it is complete on my phone.)
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No
4. Did anyone close to you die? No
5. What countries did you visit? None
6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? Less stuff.
7. What dates from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory and why? October 11, 2019. I am going to copy what I wrote about this experience on my other blog (The Greatest Work) and share it here:
Today was a difficult day. I feel really sad and overwhelmed but also so grateful. Zach got out of the front door twice today. The first time, he was awake before I came downstairs and was downstairs with Oliver watching a show. Wendel left for work and I went in to get Nathan out of his crib. When I went down with Nathan, I asked the kids where Zach was. No of them knew. I ran outside and found him up the street a few houses, on the sidewalk. I ran up there in my pjs and carried him home. Then later this morning, I was making a quinoa salad in the kitchen and the kids were playing. They were upstairs some of the time and between the living room and the front room. Nathan was in the kitchen with me (he likes to stay near me most of the time). I always keep the top lock locked on the front door but Oliver and Josh went through the front door to take out the trash and recycling and didn't lock it when they came back in. I was making food and wasn't thinking about it. I was busy with Nathan - he wanted to see what I was making. After a while, I checked on the kids and asked where Zach was. Nobody knew. I looked at the front door and saw the top lock was unlocked. My heart started racing. I had Josh and Norah look upstairs, and I did as well, after I couldn't see him up the street. I sent Oliver around the block to look for him, but before Oliver got back, I got Nathan and Norah in the Excursion to drive around looking for Zach, all the while praying for his safety. I left Josh in front of the house in case Zach came wandering back. (I didn't plan to drive very far.) As I slowly drove up our street, a police car slowly approached me. I rolled down my window and asked the officer if he had seen a toddler. He said his partner had him around the corner. I had tears in my eyes and my voice was shaky. He told me not to worry, that he was okay. I pulled up behind a car one street over. The woman had the back of her vehicle open and Zach was sitting there, with a blanket around him, next to her son. (I cringed as I realized he was naked and shoeless, other than his diaper because I undress them when they eat and I hadn't gotten him dressed for the day yet.) "I'm his mom," I said as I approached her and the other officer. "Thank you so much." The woman just looked at me with a look of "How could you not know you child was not in your house? What kind of mother are you?" She didn't say a word to me but turned around and walked away. I took Zach and held him to me, grateful he was safe. The officers said they would follow me home because they needed to see my license. I ran into the house to grab it and after recording the info, they asked if they could come inside to see the lock on the door and how he escaped. I showed them the top lock and the baby gate and said I always keep the top lock locked and explained what happened. The younger officer started walking through our home. He said he needed to see it and started walking upstairs without my permission. I knew they couldn't without a warrant but I also knew if I protested, it might make things worse and I wanted to be cooperative. I cringed at our messy house, the clutter everywhere. I was embarrassed about our house and the situation. How could I not know Zach was outside? Twice today? The senior officer was nice and understanding. I asked him if they were going to report it to CPS and told him I used to be an investigator. He didn't answer me directly at first but later said they have to and they're just doing their job. When the Jr officer came back downstairs, he opened the hall closet. The Sr officer told him to "stand down" and that I used to be an investigator and know the protocol. The jr officer asked me how I couldn't know Zach was gone for 15 minutes. I told him I thought he was with the other kids and that he plays well independently. He said that's a long time. I got the impression he doesn't have kids.
It's horrible being on this side of an investigation. I always imagined it would be. I have a different point of view now, being a mom of five busy, strong willed (and some mentally challenged) kids. My head hurts and I'm exhausted so I'm going to finish this tomorrow.
........................................
I feel like I was punched in the stomach when this happened on Friday and I'm still feeling the pain from it. I fasted today for gratitude that Zach is safe - that he wasn't hit by a car or kidnapped. I can't even let my mind go there because it is so horrifying to think about. Whether or not the report is substantiated, our boy is alive and here with us and nothing else matters in comparison to that.
2/27/20 Update: I still have not heard from CPS at this point and don't even think about them coming anymore. I am incredibly grateful.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Similar to last year's response: Being an intentional mother to my five children. It's not easy but I keep at it, knowing it's the most important work I will ever do. It is a privilege and an honor to be their mother.
9. What was your biggest failure? I feel that I failed Zach when he got out of the house and I didn't know where he was.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing serious.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Unsure. Groceries to feed our family healthy meals? We spend a lot of money on groceries.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I was really proud of Wendel for investing time and money into the Ontocore Program, a program that encourages personal and professional growth. It was expensive and not something he ever saw modeled growing up. He took me with him and we both got a lot of our the experience, especially him. I admire him for dedicating himself to this way of being.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Same as last year: People I hear about on the news. People shooting other people. Selfish acts that take lives and destroy families.
14. Where did most of your money go? Definitely groceries and consumables (diapers, wipes, TP, paper towels, etc.)
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Going to New Orleans in January with Wendel and our friends (Chris and Ashley and Erick and Molly - Chris, Erick and Wendel all work together in their business, Livestock Transport Nation, which is a Cattle Company) and going to CA with Wendel to attend Ontocore. Both were great experiences.
16. What song will always remind you of 2019? "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran,
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Just as happy.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter. I turned 40 and my metabolism slowed down. I have gained about 8 -10 lbs, which fluctuates. I want to tackle this soon but I am too drained at the moment.
c) richer or poorer? The same. Blessed immensely, both financially and with a beautiful family.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
20. How did you spend Christmas?
21. Did you fall in love in 2019?
22. What was your favorite TV program? This is Us. So good.
23. What was the best book you read? I only read one book for pleasure, which was while we were in San Antonio, TX for Cattle Convention. The book is The Guardian by Nicholas Sparks. It wasn't life-changing or amazing but it was an interesting love story / suspense novel and it was so nice to relax and read something enjoyable.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
25. What did you want and get?
26. What did you want and not get? Nothing comes to mind.
27. What was your favorite film of this year? I enjoyed The Overcommer. Wendel and I saw it on a date in the theater. I think it was the only movie I saw in a theater this year, other than kids movies during the summer-kid-series.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 40 this year. I wanted to ring in my 40s doing something fun and eating good food. I requested a dance party, which we held at our stake center. We catered Chipotle (my favorite) and had fun dancing and hanging out with friends.I loved it.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019? Same as last year: I'm often in workout clothes (I do actually work out most mornings) or jeans and a t-shirt. I really like being casual and comfortable. I want to start wearing make up more often again (as opposed to just at church).
31. What kept you sane? Wendel. Always Wendel. We're in this crazy, survival time together. Also, my testimony keeps me grounded. I would be a different person without it, I think. Third: working out. It is my therapy. Fourth: Podcasts. I love them. (My favorites: Better Than Happy by Jody Moore, Cultivate a Good Life by Becky Higgins and Becky Proudfit, This is the Gospel by LDS Living, 3 in 30 by Rachel Nielsen and several others.)
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
33. What political issue stirred you the most?
34. Who did you miss?
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019:
36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
37. Share some meaningful scriptures and what you learned from them.
38. What are your resolutions for 2020?
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